It is probably no surprise that I enjoy talking about sex, and if the popularity of the show Sex and the City is any indication, countless others do too. Naturally, the TMI threshold is going to be different for everyone. For example, you might be okay with your partner’s friends knowing what you can do with your tongue, whereas – in my own life – I might not.
Luckily, there are many benefits to talking about sex with your friends. It can actually help improve your relationship by:
- Giving you new ideas
- Busting myths
- Encouraging you to re-examine old ways of thinking about sex
(…ways that might have even been harmful!)
Another benefit of talking about sex with your friends is finding out that you’re not alone, that it is (for example) perfectly normal to take longer to reach orgasm sometimes or to not even reach orgasm at all.
It also feels good to be listened to. Just make sure you’re not having a conversation with your friend that you should really be having with your partner. It is more than okay to blow off some steam or to work out what you’re going to say, but remember to ask yourself if you might be using your friend as a substitute instead.
Talking about sex with your friends can be beneficial (and fun!), but when should you hold your tongue?
First off, you have to be comfortable talking about sex in general and/or you prefer to talk more generally – meaning less personally – about sex. For my part, I have always felt that past partners or past sexual exchanges were fair game, but I am more guarded about my sex life with my current partner.
It is a good idea to avoid talking about sex with people who can’t easily opt out of the conversation. Really, this speaks to consent. Being comfortable talking about sex in general doesn’t mean you have to share with just anyone – sure, the bartender at the place you go to for drinks with coworkers after work is nice, but they get paid to be there so don’t hold them hostage in your need to spill. (And coworkers and talking about sex, as we all know, is asking for trouble!)
And when it comes to your partner, don’t assume – ask! Ask if they are okay with you talking about your shared sex life with friends. There may be some intimate details they wouldn’t mind you dishing about and some they would. Or there may be a friend or two (or more) that they wouldn’t be comfortable with you revealing that stuff to at all. Of course you won’t know until you ask so put that tongue to good use 🙂
The best thing would be to determine the few close friends you can dish to. This could also help put your partner at ease. Maybe they’ll feel better knowing that not all of your friends know what they can do with their tongue.
Image credit: boretskayairen, Pixabay