When your partner talks dirty, does it turn you on?

More than likely it does.

According to one study, most of us get turned on by the sounds of sex – namely, moaning and the like – so it makes sense that we would get turned on by dirty talk. The verbal stimulation also taps into our ability to fantasize, which is what many women need to reach orgasm and also why erotica is such a popular genre. Not surprisingly, talking dirty is often associated with BDSM fantasies.

On the other hand, if you are too far into your own head – thinking about your unsexy to-do list, for instance – hearing your partner’s voice declaring their desires can pull you back into the present moment.

In mainstream movies and TV shows, dirty talk is usually comedic, so it’s no surprise that some of us might be hesitant or worry about sounding awkward or contrived. If you can relate, these tips might help you feel better about giving dirty talk a try.


  • Avoid using clinical terms like “penis” and “vagina.” You’re not at the doctor or in class 😉
  • Dirty talk doesn’t have to be crude (unless you both want it to be). It can start with a sext: “I’ve been thinking about your body all day.” You can, of course, build on that phrase if you want. There are fun lists here, here, and here. You’re welcome!
  • Try combining physical pleasure with the pleasure of a compliment. For example, as you go down on your partner, tell them how much you love their 😈
  • It’s a good idea to get the OK to use words like b*tch or sl*t (or other terms commonly considered derogatory) before trying them out during sex. Luckily, couples who talk about sex outside the bedroom are more comfortable talking dirty when they do get busy.

The act of articulating what you want will make you feel hot and will turn your partner on. And an excited partner is, in and of itself, a turn-on. So basically, all this excitement just makes more of itself.

We certainly aren’t the first to say it, and we won’t be the last: the brain is the body’s sexiest organ, so wield the power of those dirty words!

Pet names

The jury is still out on pet names in or out of the bedroom. The most comprehensive study (published in 1993!) found that pet names foster the most satisfaction in couples with no kids, and in the first five years of the relationship. They can also diffuse a situation that might escalate into an argument. But writers Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis warn that calling your partner by a pet name could contribute to a level of familiarity that is at odds with having a hot sex life.

As with anything, if calling each other baby, honey, or love muffin, etc., works for you and your partner, keep doing it 😉

Image credit: Oleg Magni, Pexels