For most, the short answer is: probably not.

But –

Cheating is whatever you and your partner mutually decide it is. 

For some, cheating could be sending flirty texts. For others, making out might be okay – just not with a mutual friend or a coworker (and certainly not with an ex). And even for some others yet, oral sex might not be cheating as long as you call your partner beforehand to ask for permission.

If you haven’t done so already, try talking to your partner about what constitutes cheating for them. It likely won’t be the easiest of conversations, but it will be an important one to have.

The porn itself

I doubt I have to tell you how popular porn is. For one, it is a billion-dollar industry. Couples and non-couples alike can enjoy porn in a healthy way, but there are some circumstances under which porn consumption can become a problem:

  • Developing an addiction
  • Spending money you don’t have (for example, on premium subscriptions, cam performers or VR equipment)
  • Experiencing shame over keeping secrets or lying
  • If your partner’s needs are not being met

Talk to you partner

Is your partner getting their needs met? Are you getting your needs met? Desire and libido ebb and flow, so it is a good idea to check in with each other from time to time regarding your needs.

And also be on guard against another possible source of conflict (a sneakier one because it is more general and more acceptable)…

Too much screen time

I personally have to watch this one. It is just too easy to pick up our phones and start dialing up that pleasure center in our brains by scroll-scroll-scrolling. My partner and I have limited one-on-one opportunities, and at times, I really need to force myself to put my phone down.

What amounts to too much screen time is going to differ from person to person, so this is another thing to talk with your partner about. Just remember to put down your phone first 😉

If at all possible, it is a good idea to try and keep screens out of your bed in general. Ideally, your bed should be for the “three Ss” – sex and sleep, and for when you’re sick. That is just good sleep hygiene. 

Indie Adult Cinema

Like just about everything, the world of pornography has its more nefarious aspects, and if those aspects trouble you, I recommend checking out the work of Erika Lust. You may have seen the Swedish filmmaker in Netflix’s Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On. (In addition to Lust’s work, I highly recommend this series. Lust is featured in episode one, “Woman on Top.”) She is one of the most – if not, the most – ethical pornographers out there. You can even get a free movie if you sign up for her newsletter 😉

Image credit: Sharad Pandey at Scopio